Welcome to Taradise. Please check your brain at the door.
So out of morbid curiosity and an extreme lack of anything else to watch, I put on E!'s "Taradise," the successor to "Wild on..." I didn't think it was possible, but Tara Reid actually makes Brooke Burke seem like a member of Mensa. I believe I have now lost most of my higher brain functions so I am typing this as quickly as possible so as not to deprive anyone of Ms. Reid's pearls of wisdom.
Today's episode of Taradise takes us to Pamplona. Or as Tara says Pampalona. We're here to join the 8 day party surrounding the Running of the Bulls. Wow, eight days of drunken idiots. Tara must really feel at home here. Sadly, she chose not to run with the bulls, because her tour guide said he wouldn't protect her if a bull started goring her. Stupid honest tour guide. But she did get to meet with some of the participants. Like the guy who has not missed a bull run in 21 years. Says Tara: "He's got a history about him." Ooookay. Later, she takes a spot on a balcony overlooking the start of the run. A sampling of her commentary:
"Our balcony is totally money!" (said while jumping and clapping her hands)
"OOOOH... Run, guy! Run!" (as said guy gets trampled by oncoming bull)
We move to the arena where the idiots running with the bulls have been replaced by idiots who want to play chicken with them. While most of the guys are getting trampled, thrown, and generally making asses out of themselves, there is one guy who is performing acrobatics over the bulls, jumping and somersaulting effortlessly out of the way of the bull's horns. Tara's take:
"There's this one guy. He's good. He obviously practices. I don't know where you bull practice."
Good question, Tara. Where does one bull practice? After deciding not to participate in the actual run, Tara tells us not to worry as she found another way to participate by running with the kids in a mock bull run.
"I decided to run with the fake bull. It's not a real bull, it's a fake bull."
Wow. Glad she cleared that up. That was going to keep me up all night.
I guess it just goes to show you. Drunk, stupid, and horribly disfigured by your cut-rate plastic surgeion is no way to go through life. But it will get you your own show on E!
Today's episode of Taradise takes us to Pamplona. Or as Tara says Pampalona. We're here to join the 8 day party surrounding the Running of the Bulls. Wow, eight days of drunken idiots. Tara must really feel at home here. Sadly, she chose not to run with the bulls, because her tour guide said he wouldn't protect her if a bull started goring her. Stupid honest tour guide. But she did get to meet with some of the participants. Like the guy who has not missed a bull run in 21 years. Says Tara: "He's got a history about him." Ooookay. Later, she takes a spot on a balcony overlooking the start of the run. A sampling of her commentary:
"Our balcony is totally money!" (said while jumping and clapping her hands)
"OOOOH... Run, guy! Run!" (as said guy gets trampled by oncoming bull)
We move to the arena where the idiots running with the bulls have been replaced by idiots who want to play chicken with them. While most of the guys are getting trampled, thrown, and generally making asses out of themselves, there is one guy who is performing acrobatics over the bulls, jumping and somersaulting effortlessly out of the way of the bull's horns. Tara's take:
"There's this one guy. He's good. He obviously practices. I don't know where you bull practice."
Good question, Tara. Where does one bull practice? After deciding not to participate in the actual run, Tara tells us not to worry as she found another way to participate by running with the kids in a mock bull run.
"I decided to run with the fake bull. It's not a real bull, it's a fake bull."
Wow. Glad she cleared that up. That was going to keep me up all night.
I guess it just goes to show you. Drunk, stupid, and horribly disfigured by your cut-rate plastic surgeion is no way to go through life. But it will get you your own show on E!
1 Comments:
Dammit, I should have stayed up to finish watching the show.
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